Lemony Snicket Quotes

Lemony Snicket wrote many children’s books, the most famous ones being the thirteen books under A Series of Unfortunate Events. Snicket’s quotes have become famous, thanks to the adaptation of these novels into movies. They are bound to ring familiar to many fans of this wonderful series.

Witty Lemony Snicket Sayings And Quotes

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”

“If you are trying to fool a farsighted or dimwitted person, a veiled facial disguise might be enough.”

“A passport, as I’m sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials. They can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.”

“Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us and glimpsed the crimes, follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother’s wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.”

“One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant.”

“It is one of life’s bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.”

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”

Composer is a word which here means a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is going to play. This is called composing. But last night, the Composer was not muttering. He was not humming. He was not moving, or even breathing. This is called decomposing.”

“Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.”

“One of the world’s most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens, and jacks who are possibly the queen’s younger, more attractive boyfriends.”

“One of the world’s most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a deserted island, because people always answer a deck of cards or Anna Karenina when the obvious answer is a well-equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.”

“It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right. Right?”

“If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, ‘Well this isn’t too bad. I don’t have a left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me if I’m left-handed or right-handed‘. Most of us would say something more along the lines of ‘Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!‘”

“You know, there’s a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks, just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments.”

“In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied ‘I love you back‘, and not ‘I love your back‘, before you continue the conversation.”

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby ― awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”

“The book was long, and difficult to read, and Klaus became more and more tired as the night wore on. Occasionally his eyes would close. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.”

Quotes From a Series of Unfortunate Events

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.”

“But one type of book that practically no one likes to read is a book about the law. Books about the law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read. This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money. The money is an incentive – the word incentive here means an offered reward to persuade you to do something you don’t want to do – to read long, dull, and difficult books.”

“I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”

“One of the greatest myths in the world – the phrase greatest myths is just a fancy way of saying big fat lies – is that troublesome things get less and less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.”

“As I am sure you know, when people say ‘It’s my pleasure‘, they usually mean something along the lines of, ‘There’s nothing on Earth I would rather do less‘ …”

“Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nonetheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park.”

“Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister, which is easier done than said.”

“There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.”

“The sad truth is the truth is sad.”

“I’m sure you have heard it said, that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what’s on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.”

“For some stories, it’s easy. The moral of The Three Bears, for instance, is ‘Never break into someone else’s house.’ The moral of Snow White is ‘Never eat apples.’ The moral of World War I is ‘Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand‘.”

“A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called The Road Less Traveled, describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so, couldn’t hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is dead.”

“It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.”

“It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, it appears that happiness is easier to get used to than despair. The second time you have a root beer float, for instance, your happiness at sipping the delicious concoction may not be quite as enormous as when you first had a root beer float, and the twelfth time your happiness may be still less enormous, until root beer floats begin to offer you very little happiness at all, because you have become used to the taste of vanilla ice cream and root beer mixed together. However, the second time you find a thumbtack in your root beer float, your despair is much greater than the first time, when you dismissed the thumbtack as a freak accident rather than part of the scheme of a soda jerk, a phrase which here means “ice cream shop employee who is trying to injure your tongue,” and by the twelfth time you find a thumbtack, your despair is even greater still, until you can hardly utter the phrase root beer float without bursting into tears. It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.”

The sheer wit and ingenious style of writing that the author employs in his books is simply inimitable. It isn’t a surprise that the most famous writings by Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events has managed to sell sixty million copies, and has been translated into forty-one different languages, making it one of the best-selling children’s books. For us die-hard fans, no matter how many books are written, we will still be left wanting for more.

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